I hear the rain fall against my roof, I feel the warmth underneath my blankets, I feel my eye lids becoming heavy, but I wish you were here to cuddle me.. But for now, my pillow will have to do.
People are so disappointed with me. They hate it. Drugs, cigarettes, alcohol. I’ll take anything, do anything to get this sick feeling out of my mind. And that’s what I’ve done. Nobody has any fucking clue how much this hurts.. Sometimes I think I’d rather be dead.
I think it is a beautiful thing, to feel a certain way for someone. I watched, I listened, and I learnt so much from you. You disappoint me and you overwhelm me. My expectations are never met, but the ones that you do meet are the ones I should have been expecting. You are amazing, you are pure. Karize and Chelsea were performing, and I couldn’t stop looking at you. And then you looked at me. It was so overwhelming that I had to look away. I realized that you do pay attention to me, just in a softer, timid way. I liked this. It’s like you were the only person in the whole room. I will always want so much from you, so so so much. But this is because I see how amazing you are, and how you could hit rock bottom and still look the same. I think you were being serious about ‘she’s the one’. Dear diary.